I Find The Reason To Believe God Again

I Find The Reason Again

These past weeks were really like a rollercoaster for me, I had a trouble with my faith. It was like I lost my faith and the reason to believe in Him, to believe The God, Allah SWT. It was really hard for me because, after everything that I have been through, I could not take the burden and find the answer to many of my problems. I was stressing myself so much, it was so depressing for me in November. You can call me crazy or stupid or imbecile, whatever, but the truth is I was really having a problem with trusting God.

If you read my other post before this, then you will know about my problems. All of the problems that I got is really taking a toll on me, I was gone crazy in November. I have so many problems, but my problems were made because of the Disease that God gave me when I was born. The Disease that He gave me made me different and weak, I was not a normal kid back then and because of that, my childhood was not really good. Because of the disease, it makes me have an ASPD (Anti Social Personality Disorder). I know that I should accept everything that He gave me, but it is so hard and it makes me crazy.

I knew that If I did not find or search for a reason to believe Him again, I will become an Atheist and that will be the same as dead for me. I had to find the reason to believe Him again. Then in the Thursday last week, I found a book that helped me to find the reason. I found a book that helped me answering my question, correcting my doubt, and fixing my faith again. I should learn to fully trust Him, praying to Him, and believing that someday, when the time is right, you will get everything that you want. 

What I learned from the book? The Book told me that I should learn about the story of The Messengers. The Messengers never gave up and keep trusting Allah SWT, even though they got so much problem and pain. The Messengers keep believing in God, patient and never give up. I realized that I have to do the same and fully trust Him because when the time is right, as long as I trust him, He will make my wish coming true.

At the End of December 2017, I will become 22 years old. Age of 22 is a crucial step because there will be so much new path and challenge that I will face. It is a starting step into the world of ADULT. Imagining If I was a faithless person makes me crazy because obviously, I will die in pain without a faith. I just have to be patient, keep my pray, work hard and try to solve all of my problems as best as I can. 

Keep Trusting Allah SWT and Be Patient

I find the reason to believe Him again and I should always keep it in my heart. I just have to be patient and do as best as you can to solve my problems. I should not forget to keep praying and try to find your own way to get rid and fix your problem. Because When the time is right, God will make everything become possible, and He will fix me

Read More

We Will Never Be Perfect

"We are not Perfect and will never be" 

We Are Human Who Sometime Will Make a Mistake

I am not perfect, so do you. You are not perfect, we are not perfect, are we? We can never be perfect, no matter how much and how hard we try, there is no way that we can achieve 100% perfection. We are a human who makes a mistake, we are full of mistakes. We are not God. 

We are Human, and we will always be making mistakes no matter what. Perfection is only god God, and of course, you and I are not God, we are Human. You want a perfect outcome, huh? You expect a perfection? Trust me, you will never get it. When your expectation is too high or what you want is a perfection, be ready to receive a big disappointment in the future. I tried that before, and now my life is full of disappointment. I got so much stress, and I depressed myself when I do that. 

"Perfection is only for God"

We are human and human makes a mistake, but God gave us something that we can do when we made a mistake, and that is learning from our mistakes. When we made a mistake, remember one thing, learn something from the mistake that we made. If you made a mistake in your life? That's okay, but don't forget to learn from it and keep improving yourself.

I am not a brave person, and sometimes I will avoid so many things. It is because I am afraid that I will fail or make a mistake. But if I don't take the chance and take the risk, then I will never be improving myself. Right now, I realized that I have to take the risk and it is okay if I make a mistake. I am still not a brave person, but I am trying to be because failure and mistake will make us great if we can learn something from it.

"Try to learn from the mistake and failure that we made"

We can become a great person, but we will never be perfect. We will make a mistake, so many mistakes and failures in the future, but don't forget to learn from it and be better. We can be better if we learn from the mistake and failure that we make.

It is okay to make a mistake, we are a human being with so much flaws

Read More

What Is Your Deepest Darkest Secret?

What is your secret ? Do you have a secret that you keep and don’t want to tell to someone ? or maybe you’re an open book person that doesn’t have any secrets ? Everyone has their own secrets and their own action to handle it. Secret is a story that you can’t tell to anyone. Secret is secret.

“Everyone has their own secrets”

What about me ? Well, Honestly I’m a man with so many secrets, there just so many secrets that I keep inside myself. Those secrets are stories. The stories that I want to tell but I can’t tell. If I tell it, It’s not a secret right ? Every choice that I chose made me become who I am today, every secret that I keep is affecting my daily life, It’s affecting how I choose something, how I handle something, how I must react on something and how I do something. Sometimes it’s easy, sometimes it becomes much more complex and tricky. 

“Secret is secret, secret is something that you don’t want other people to know about it”

Secret is secret. Everyone has their own secrets that they don’t want to tell. Do you have any secrets ? what is your deepest darkest secret ? do you want to tell ? Of course not, there is no way you will or you can tell your secrets to anyone so easily. There are just so many circumstances and complex thinking that make you want or don’t want to tell your secrets, because it’s secret remember ? secret is secret. 

“Keeping secrets is burdening, and you must endure it as long as you can”

Keeping secret is burdening. Especially if you have so many secrets, so many darkest deepest secrets that you keep inside you. There are just so many burdens that you got from keeping the secrets just by yourself. It’s like a ticking time bomb and the timer is your strength to control or handle the urge. If you can control the urge, you can keep your secrets as long as you can, but if you can’t you’ll choose to tell your secrets or maybe choose to die with it.

“Keeping secret is dangerous, It can kill you”

Keeping dark secrets are dangerous, if you can’t take the burden, if you can’t handle it, it can kill you. It will kill you bit by bit, destroying your mental condition and sometimes your physical condition. It can make you depressed if you can’t find a way to handle the burden. You must have the strength to keep yourself alive and sane. It will never be easy to keeping a dark secret, and if you want to stay alive and choose to keep it, then you must take the consequences and hold the burden that you will going to get.

You must endure it as best as you can, as hard as you can. You just can’t give up because of the burden that you will going to get from keeping your secrets. You will need a huge strength to keep and handle the burden that you got from keeping the secret of yours. You must stay strong, or else you can get crazy or depressed or you can take a suicide if you can’t handle the burden.

Secret is a story. A story that you want to tell but you can’t because there will be a big consequences if you tell the story to anyone. Secret is a story that you want to tell but you can’t tell. Secret is a dark story,  a story that so complex, so dark and so hard to digest. It’s a shocking story that will make anyone will so shock and agazed because of it.   

“Telling and Sharing your secrets is Dangerous too”

Telling dark secrets to someone is also dangerous. It will affect yourself, but also affect someone who you told your dark secrets. It also dangerous because if the people that you told your secret can’t keep it, then get ready to face the consequence and being exposed. Sometimes there are people who can withstand your dark secret, but sometimes they can’t. so be careful if you want to tell your dark secrets to someone. You must so sure if you want to tell and share your dark secrets to someone. ask you these question, “do you trust him/her?” “do you think she/he can keep your secret?” “are you sure she/he can handle the burden that she/he got?” If the answer is yes, then you can tell your secrets to her/him.

Choose someone that you really trust, choose someone who knows you very well, choose someone who also strong enough to take the burden that she/he got if they know your secret. Choose it carefully and think about it thoroughly, because if you want to keep your secret still become a secret, you will going to need that.

Keeping secrets is dangerous, you just can’t tell to other people about your secrets. You must have a huge strength to endure the burden that you got from keeping your secrets. There is no easy way when you choose to keep your secret. If keeping secrets is easy and not so burdening, everyone can easily do that without any problem or stress, but the truth is not like that. When you are keeping secrets, you already accept to face the consequence of your action, and it’s not a good thing because secret is secret, it’s so dangerous if you have a secret. You must be careful with your secrets, don’t keep your guard down, no matter what.

So that’s it. If you have any question, you can freely ask me on the comment box below. Feel free to giving me a critique or an advice so I can improve myself.

What about my English writing ? what about my grammar ? Is it good enough ? you can help me to improve my skill in English writing also by giving me an advice or critique.

Don’t forget to subscribe and like our fans page to get new notification about latest update from Dee Life Journal. See you next time, and thank you very much.

Read More

Ayo Semangat Lagi, Tio!

Malas adalah Sumber Masalah 

Malas mungkin adalah satu kata yang sangat pantas dalam menggambarkan diri saya saat ini. Saya benar – benar malas dan membuat banyak hal yang harusnya saya lakukan menjadi terbengkalai, salah satunya adalah blog saya. Sudah beberapa minggu ini saya kehilangan semangat saya untuk menulis. Saya terus menunggu sampai saya bisa semangat lagi dan tidak ‘ogah-ogahan’ dalam menulis. Lagipula saya juga harus terus membuat blog saya terus aktif agar postingan artikel di blog saya semakin bertambah dan (semoga) saya bisa diterima sebagai publisher Google Adsense.

Beberapa minggu ini saya sedang disibukkan dengan kegiatan untuk mempersiapkan diri saya dalam ujian TOEFL dan IELTS untuk keperluan studi lanjut saya pada jenjang S2 atau Master. Ya, saya telah menentukan target saya untuk bisa mendapatkan beasiswa dan bisa berkuliah di luar negeri. Bisa hidup dan berkuliah di luar negeri adalah salah satu cita – cita atau keinginan saya sejak dulu, dan setelah saya menyelesaikan jenjang S1 saya, saya benar – benar ingin mewujudkannya. Dikarenakan tanggal test TOEFL dan IELTS yang semakin dekat, tentu saja akhirnya membuat kegiatan menulis dan projek saya yang lain saya tunda.

Saya masih belum bisa membagi waktu saya dengan latihan TOEFL/IELTS, Essay, blog dan projek komik strip saya karena beberapa alasan, salah satunya adalah manajemen waktu. Jujur, saya masih belum bisa ‘disiplin’ dalam rencana harian saya setiap hari. Sebenarnya saya telah membuat jadwal waktu kegiatan apa – apa saja yang harus saya lakukan setiap hari, namun lagi-lagi, factor kemalasan membuat saya masih belum bisa benar – benar 100% sukses mentaati jadwal kegiatan saya. Saat ini saya terus berlatih untuk bisa mentaati jadwal yang sudah saya buat, karena pada akhirnya jadwal tersebut membantu saya dalam menyusun kegiatan – kegiatan apa saja yang harus saya lakukan setiap hari dan mempermudah saya. Doakan Saya Semoga Saya bisa melakukannya

Saya masih belum bisa berkomitmen penuh dengan apa yang sudah saya buat. Saya masih memiliki masalah dalam memecahkan hal tersebut, bagaimana cara saya untuk bisa semangat dan serius untuk menjalani apa yang telah saya buat. Bukankah pada akhirnya semua ini untuk mencapai cita – cita saya? Bukankan semua ini untuk kebaikan saya sendiri? namun kenapa saya masih malas dan memiliki masalah untuk melakukan hal – hal yang baik untuk saya? Apakah saya kurang tekad? Mungkin saya kurang tekad.

Sejak dulu mungkin tekad adalah salah satu hal yang belum bisa saya lakukan sejak dulu. Saya sebenarnya adalah orang yang mudah untuk menyerah jika saya tidak menemukan jalan keluar dari suatu masalah, dan ditambah dengan kemalasan saya, maka pada akhirnya saya akan meninggalkan suatu kegiatan tersebut sampai saya memiliki alasan ataupun keinginan untuk melakukannya. Hal tersebut bermasalah bukan? Tentu saja bermasalah karena ini berarti saya menunda – nunda kegiatan dan menunda saya untuk menggapai apa yang saya inginkan, dan itu tidak baik untuk saya.

Saya harus terus berlatih sampai saya bisa mengalahkan factor kemalasan saya, saya harus terus memperbaiki dan meningkatkan tekad saya karena pada akhirnya semua inilah yang akan menentukan bisa tidaknya saya untuk menggapai semua cita – cita yang ingin saya gapai dan jadikan kenyataan. Tidak ada cara lain dan tidak ada cara mudah untuk bisa menggapai semua ini. Saya juga harus berusaha realistis dan tidak terbawa dengan angan – angan saya dan terus berpegang teguh dengan semua tujuan – tujuan saya. 

Read More

Manusia Itu Bukanlah Makhluk Sempurna

Saya dan Kalian adalah Manusia Biasa

Harusnya saya sadar bahwa saya memang tidak akan pernah bisa sempurna. Kesempurnaan hanya untuk Tuhan dan Tuhan semata. Saya bukan Tuhan, bukan juga anak Tuhan (karena Tuhan tidak memiliki anak), saya hanyalah manusia yang diciptakan oleh Tuhan. Saya dan anda adalah manusia biasa yang pasti ada kekurangan dan kelebihan masing - masing dan kita tidak akan pernah bisa sempurna. 

"Mengejar Kesempurnaan itu Seperti Mengejar Sesuatu yang Sudah Kita Tahu Tidak Akan Pernah Kita Dapatkan"

Saya bukanlah orang bijak dan beragama, saya masih jauh dari hal tersebut. Masih terlalu banyak hal, kegiatan yang saya lakukan yang menimbulkan banyak kesalahan dan dosa di kehidupan saya. Saya penuh dengan dosa yang mungkin jika saya dapat mengetahui jumlah dosa yang saya miliki maka saya akan terkejut dan takut dengan banyaknya catatan kesalahan dan dosa yang saya lakukan. 

Tuhan menciptakan setiap manusia dengan kelebihan dan kelemahannya masing - masing, dan kita diciptakan untuk tidak selalu melakukan semuanya dengan benar, pasti kita pernah melakukan kesalahan. Entah itu kesalahan yang disengaja maupun tidak disengaja, semua orang pasti pernah melakukan kesalahan.

"Kesempurnaan hanya Milik Tuhan Semata"

Sangat gilanya saya bahwa saya terus mengejar sesuatu yang tidak pernah bisa saya dapatkan, yaitu mengejar sebuah kesempurnaan yang dimana kesempurnaan itu (haqiqi) hanya milik Tuhan. Saya mencoba untuk mengubah diri saya dan pandangan saya namun pasti masih saja saya tetap mengincar sebuah kesempurnaan.

Tuhan, Tolong Berikan Jawaban

Ya mungkin karena hidup saya banyak kekurangan dan masalah makanya saya benar - benar sangat ingin merasakan sebuah kesempurnaan. Saya lahir dengan kondisi membawa sebuah penyakit yang membuat saya berbeda dan tidak normal, selain itu penyakit tersebut jugalah yang membuat saya menjadi lemah dan merupakan awala mula kenapa saya memiliki banyak masalah seperti sekarang. Sampai sekarang saya masih berharap dari lubuk hati yang paling dalam, berharap Tuhan memberikan alasan atau jawabannya ke saya melalui cara apapun kenapa Tuhan memberikan penyakit tersebut kepada saya. Saya masih terus menyalahkan diri saya untuk semua masalah yang terjadi pada diri saya, apakah semuanya memang kesalahan saya? apa memang ini jalan yang harus saya lalui? saya sangat berharap Tuhan akan memberikan jawaban atas doa dan pertanyaan saya agar saya bisa hidup sedikit lebih tenang.

Dulu (dan mungkin sampai saat ini) saya sangat benci bahwa Tuhan memberikan penyakit tersebut ke saya, saya sangat membencinya sampai - sampai saya banyak melupakan masa - masa kecil saya dan memang saya ingin melupakannya karena masa kecil saya benar - benar penuh dengan masalah. masa kecil sayalah yang membuat saya memiliki banyak masalah dan penyakit sekarang ini. Saya benar - benar frustasi dan ingin mendapatkan Jawaban dari-Nya

Penantian saya menanti jawaban tersebut terus saya tanyakan kepada-Nya sejak dulu, sejak kecil dan sampai sekarang pun saya masih belum menyerah untuk supaya Tuhan memberikan jawabannya kepada saya. Apa yang sudah saya lakukan sampai saat ini? Jawabannya sudah sangat banyak, saya sudah berusaha untuk mendekatkan diri kepadanya, sudah pernah melakukan hal - hal buruk dan mengumpat bahwa Tuhan mungkin tidak akan pernah memberikan Jawaban terhadap apa yang saya doakana dan harapkan (walaupun setelah itu saya menyesal dan memohon ampun).

Banyak orang yang menganggap apa yang saya lakukan itu salah, itulah anggapan orang - orang normal. Masalahnya saya bukanlah orang normal, masalah - masalah, penyakit - penyakit yang saya derita membuat saya menjadi bukan seseorang yang normal. Jika orang - orang tersebut menganggap saya normal hal tersebut karena saya 'berpura - pura' untuk menjadi normal dan menjadi seperti mereka.

Saat ini saya benar - benar tidak tahu harus apalagi, bagaimana saya bisa mendapatkan Jawaban darinya. Hal ini membuat kepercayaa

Saya tahu saya tidaklah sempurna dan tidak akan pernah sempurna. Saya hanyalah seseorang yang bodoh yang berharap kepada Tuhan agar Ia memberikan jawaban untuk semua masalah yang saya hadapi dan semua pertanyaan yang saya terus tanyakan kepada-Nya.

Read More

Searching for My Happiness

I am Searching for Happiness

What is Happiness? What is that thing? How can I get it? Until now, I am still wondering about it and still searching for Happiness. I want to know what Happiness is. Do I happy? Maybe, sometimes I get happy when I see and talk to my family or someone that I love, sometimes I get happy when I doing something that I like, or even sometimes I get happy but I don't know the reason why I am happy. But, behind all of that, I have more problems and burdens that I got in this life. All of those things make me unhappy, and I am having a hard time with that.

"I Don't Know What Happiness Is"

The pain, the burden and the problem that I have is really stressing me out. I think I will become bald in my mid -twenty, and that is not a good thing for me. I realized that if I stay like this and remain unchanged then I will be dead in my thirties because of the stress and depression that I will get because of it. 

I must search the happiness, I have to find it before it's too late for me to find. I should find my own happiness. I can't stay like this and remain unchanged. I can't keep holding the stress and the burden that I got from my problem. 

If I can't find my own happiness then my life will be in peril and I will be dead in the next few years from now. Do I want to die? Of course not, there are just so many things that I want to do and i want to get. There are just so many goals that I have not achieved yet. 

"My Life is Hard so I have to Find the Happiness"

My life is really hard, sometimes I just want to die because of my problem, but I can't give up and I won't give up. There is one thing that I want to do before I die, I want to make my mother happy, and always smile and laugh without any problem. My mother is everything to me and I can't give up yet, not until I give everything that I got.

I hope that God will answer my questions and my prayer. I still have so many things that I don't know. Why he gives me so many problems, why he gave me so many diseases that can not be cured, I really want an answer from God.

"I am Still Searching For my Own Happiness"

I have to find my own happiness because it is the thing that can make me get through every problem, stress, and burden that I got. I will not give up myself until I find it, I will do everything and anything to get my own happiness. Let the journey begin.

Read More